Vulnerability really does bring you closer to your dreams. . .

This morning I am sat watching my beautiful herd of ponies mingle and graze amongst the remaining scraps of winter grass. A coffee cup is perched in my muddy hands, and I'm filled with a deep sense, that right now in this moment- all is good in my little world.  Most blogging moments are beautiful desks and soft blankets, and pretty mugs with dreamy notebooks. You may say mine is a little more countryfied around the edges. . .

It's been so long since I felt capable of holding the reins myself and owning my own story.

You see, puting everything I'd ever hoped for into place, and actually living it was always a distant dream on the horizon.  

There are days when the worries get too loud. When doubt comes knocking and when fear of the unknown transforms my outlook. But, today it's as if the harmonious transition into spring has swept right through me, and settled me back to my old self where everything fits into place just so. . .

Some people fear solitude. I confess I'm rather fond of it. Because actually, I'm never fully alone. I have those who care about me constantly and securely in my thoughts, I'm surrounded by animals at every turn, and there is always a message or idea to send and share - the rest is simply a wonderful new found freedom - of which I never had the confidence to own until recently.

When you apologise for yourself a lot, live on another's time table, struggle to make choices which are in sync with what ' your ' day requires of you - not what others demand of you - the wonder of suddenly finding that you can make your life your own, is such a warming and welcome relief.

I write this because. . . I know what hardship feels like. I know what feeling so small and hopeless can do to your dreams and your sense of self . . . And I know how suffocating worries and anxiety can be. I carry it all in a little box within my mind and I'm only now just figuring out how to close the lid, and fasten the lock.  

I've always believed that little box is placed there by others. Unkindness, bullying, low self esteem, for getting ones worth as a result - it's all down to how you've experienced life so far. Who've you've met. What you've hoped for. What you've put your energy into. What's stripped your energy away. It leaves an imprint and sometimes we end up getting so caught up by it's presence that we cannot hear our own voice any longer. Maybe you understand that too? 

But it is there. It will always be there. And once you practise closing the lid to the wrong chatter and begin listening out for the right kind - you'll find no matter what happens, you'll never get lost again. 

There's always a way back to yourself. Even when mental health makes you forget that for a little while. Hang on dear friends. Everything is possible. Truly.

New chapters, new adventures and new dreams do happen. And with that 'your people' find you too.

It is remarkable how revealing a little more of who we are, even those fragile shadows - can transform into something so worthwhile.

Above is my new beautiful new chapter for all to share in . . . Your dreams need 'you' to give them power.


*