Truths and diary thoughts

Being honest, can be a little bit scary can't it? But, when we are, it's amazing the warmth that we're met with. 

For 3 years I have been trying to support myself through a very challenging relapse of an Anxiety Disorder. As ivy climbs around a tree and it grows thicker and tighter with its grasp, so has my illness. 

Yet, I'm reminded in little ways every day, of the steps I've taken to build a life for myself again. One that fully embraces all the parts of myself that are a little frayed around the edges. 

I have learnt some wonderful things and found hope under heavy rocks, kindness in unexpected places and in sharing I have been met with loving support. 

For many years I thought that revealing the depths of my struggles would leave me vulnerable to opinion and judgement. Instead, I have uncovered so many encouraging thoughts and ideals from others. 

  I thought I had to find a way to change my ways to thrive - be tougher, be more assertive, be confident, be the leader. But as it turns out, there is space for me just as I am. There is space for those of us who like the simpler, quieter life. Those who take delight in little joys and who function best with a steadier time table. How positive to realise that the only box we need to fit in is our own. 

It doesn't fully heal illness to uncover this realisation, but it does allow for acceptance...  And if you can accept where you are right now, you can find the calm within to start laying down your new path. 

I hope you can find courage to embrace who and where you are. No matter the struggle, your own way matters so much. Hold on to that as best you can. 

Reflections on sunny mornings