A simple life is enough

The notion of a beautiful simple life, with very few pressures, worries or stresses does seem so welcoming, doesn't it? I think many people in touch with the slow living way of being, feel a deep connection to a life spent on creating little joys in everyday, and time spent on even the smallest worthwhile thing . . . like kindness, consideration for others and time cosied away from the hustle and bustle.

I didn't know about intentional or slow living, until the words appeared before me once I started to blog and create for myself. But it dawned on me that this was what I'd felt all along; this was the life for me. I didn't know the definition or the label as it were, but I knew simplicity very well. I'd always strived to live that way myself. It was a warming, accepting feeling to discover many people felt the same way, and truly sought to make this way of being a priority.

A simple life was enough for us all . . . it always has been for me. Yet, worry surfaces despite my joys every time.

The trouble is you see, recently the simple way which I adore so much, amongst my family, country life and snippets of blogging for joy in between, well, it has become slightly muddled by 'good ol' self doubt'.

The struggle was however not coming from an outside force, but rather the little voice within that guides our way from morning til night. . . my own inner voice lost it's confidence and from that, a question mark hung over everything I did, every decision I made, and everything my energy would be placed into. Is it good enough? I'd hear. Am I good enough for this?

 Things run so smoothly, and then ping we get a wobble over something, which grows and grows until we end up going round in circles. Not so helpful really when all you'd like is peace and calm.

Truthfully though,

 I've had to quietly accept and acknowledge to myself in these last few months, that this is what happens when you suffer from a Mental Health Struggle. Doubt. Worry. Fear. Sadness. Panic. Unworthiness, all show up. No matter if you're closer than ever to your dream. No matter if you're living it right now.

I do not show it strongly upon these pages, but my mind-set is switched into anxiety mode from dawn til dusk most of the time. I am governed by intense feelings of unsettledness which my OCD fights to keep at bay through checking rituals. It's a tiring battle, but I often do not allow myself to accept it, and in so doing, I deny myself self kindness and gentle approval - this picks a part the confidence puzzle - until, there is very little confidence left at all.

But, in writing this part of my life down on an autumnal Friday, with the sunlight twinkling in through my window, my precious nephew sat snuggled upon my bed . . .  I am deciding that I can wholeheartedly trust that this simple life will indeed take care of me. It is what I always dreamed of. What I call home. Everything really is okay. I am safe, no matter what fear my mind conjures up.

 If I just have the courage to Own simplicity , not Apologise for it, and mostly not be afraid to speak up when self doubt comes knocking, then that broken puzzle may start to repair itself . . . my battling mind may just follow closely too and truly feel the slow living peace I've forever been drawn to.

It is a beautiful life. I count my blessings each day . . .  But it's also, no matter the stillness, always going to have mountains to climb and battles to be one . . . it just makes the true, uncomplicated slow living moments that little bit sweeter to call mine when they do come around.


I hope someone who experiences the intensity of anxiety can find some kinship in my words? The more blogs that I read, the more I find how united we all really are at heart  . . .


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