Being Brave ...

This weekend I had a very special moment - something my anxiety levels have struggled to let go of since my blog began at the beginning of January.

It may sound silly, but it's a step in the right direction for me and I thought I would record it here to encourage bravery when I have 'overwhelmed days' and 'tearful moments.'

It was such a beautiful sunny Sunday morning that I just knew I had to embrace the opportunity to put on my riding boots and take my 'little horse' ( as I affectionately call her) for a ride ... just us...and the woodland awaiting us outside the meadow gate. 

I have struggled with finding the courage to do this for so long, not because I am scared of my pony or anything like that - but because I am terrified that I may be seen by someone who knows me, and they question my integrity and sincerity. My internal dialogue of fears has spun every possible scenario of something terrible happening in partnership with that....Odd I know ... but these last few months have been very strange indeed.

You see,  I am starting a new chapter and am on a healing mission after a troublesome time with my mental health. I am beginning again and letting go of some things in my life that were causing a quiet but persistent pressure. My aim is to find myself once more and let go of some of the thinking patterns that have led me to be governed by guilt, overwhelmed with living to please others and completely paralysed by the inability to assert myself on any level. I would like to feel like I no longer have to apologise for myself - and clip clopping down the road on my dear little horse was a real milestone moment. We did it together! It was lovely......and no worries crossed my mind. 

At a time when even stepping outside the house is a struggle...I am learning that doing something that makes you come alive when you're on a 'get well journey' yourself, is paramount to your recovery  - you do not have to be ashamed that you're taking your happiness into your own hands and doing what you can to feel okay - we are all responsible for our own lives.

Last year I nearly lost my little horse to a devastating illness - it was touch and go - and my Summer was spent desperately trying to get her well again, aided by the kind help of the vets and my trusted farrier. ( A snippet of this emotional time I have recorded on one of my previous posts ) 

So as you can imagine - to ride her again out in the spring sunshine was indeed a dream come true - and she carried me fearlessly and made me feel just the same ... fearless and very brave!

I helped her heal last year...
and I have such a deep and strong feeling, that this year...she is going to do the same for me ....


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